V   

• In Biden’s and Palin’s names the vowels & consonants fall in exactly the same place, in the order of c, v, c, v, c.

• Joe Biden was named after his father, Joe Sr.
• Sarah Palin was named after her mother, Sarah [Sr.]

• Both presumptive VPs’ names are often mispronounced as the softer sound of their names as in “forBIDDEN” or “PALINdrome” where as it should be pronounced as “BYE-den” and “PAY- len.”

• Biden and Palin were both handpicked as running mates in a conscious effort to increase votes among Baby Boomers, and women, respectively.

• Biden, a supposed pro-choicer, voted against abortion in 1982.
• Palin, a supposed pro-lifer, went and had an abortion in 1982.

• Biden was married at the ripe age of 24 and had a son 123 weeks later.
• Palin was married/eloped at the age of 24 and had her son 29 weeks later… hmm…

• Biden’s first born son was deployed to Iraq in September 2008, contrary to his father’s party’s wishes.
• Palin’s first born son was deployed to Iraq in September 2008, right in line with his mother’s party’s history of failed wishes.

• Biden had a secretary named Ford that drove a Mercury.
• Palin hunted a Caribou named Mercury that was shot from her Ford F-150.

• Biden was elected to Congress in 1973.
• Palin was… well, never elected to Congress or any other national office for that matter.

• Biden has 4 decades of experience.
• Palin has 4 days of experience.

• Both presumptive VPs have two eyes, two ears, and ten toes.

• Both VP candidates are critically important in this election. Never before has the heartbeat of a President been under so much discussion. On one hand you have the threat of a debilitating health condition coupled with old age and on the other hand, you have the threat of assassination because of the color of someone’s skin.

Meet The Contestants

(Left to Right and Top to Bottom)

The judges will compete right here on Matteroffaq.com in a 5-week, elimination style competition. The winner will receive a fat check of notoriety from the Matter of F. A. Q. sponsors and crew. This notoriety will hopefully pay off in the form of higher ratings. Speaking of ratings…

WEEK #1′s OBJECTIVE

RATINGS

This week’s objective is to weed out the contestant with the lowest ratings. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to Nielsen or his ratings so we’ll use Google, everybody’s friend. The contestant with the fewest Google search results probably has the lowest viewer ratings and thus the weekest link for this week’s competition. And since ratings are worth so much in TV dollar$, the winner of this challenge is wholly exempt all the way until the final round. Drum Roll…

297,0002,820,000

5,000,000

75,000 7, 630, 000

That…. leaves…. us…. with…. no…. other….. option…. but…… to…. eliminate………. BRUNO, from America’s Best Reality Show Judge sponsored by Matteroffaq.com and 7Up.

That means that Tyra Banks continues all the way through to the end of this competition untouched until the final round.

NEXT WEEKS OBJECTIVE: Constructive Criticism

Who will go home? Who will remain?

Place your bet in the form of a comment

Stay Tuned

Other Questions Answered In This Posting

I just bought a Toyota Prius and I’m wondering what’s the easiest way to peel off this wretched Obama sticker on the back. Asked by Kenneth Lott, in Fresno, California.

I was walking home from Whole Foods in my Birkenstock shoes when I realized that I should buy a car. So I bought a Prius. To my surprise, there wasn’t an Obama sticker attached. What’s up with that? Asked by Cindy Lone, in Austin, Texas.

             Sarah Palin, Presumptive V.P .                               Tina Fey, Comedian

Interesting question. Usually twins are born seconds or even minutes apart. Occasionally we hear a freakish story of twins born several days or even weeks apart. The latest breaking news, and the Guiness Book’s new record for interval between two twins is the case of twin sisters Tina Fey, the comedian, and Sarah Palin, the presumptive Vice Presidential nominee. The staggered births came at a whopping difference of 6 years, 3 months and 7 days, or 3,297,259 minutes apart. If you attended the “Seasons of Love” School of Math then they were born only 3,293,280 minutes apart, a huge labor pain differnce of 3,979 minutes.

As for Palin’s possible need for a cover up, the Tina Fey Camp has yet to come to a decision. Tina’s publicist did announce, however, that “if Palin isn’t sucessful in November, Fey will be in immediate need of a stunt double for her role in Baby Mama II, and This Side of the Truth” both due for release in 2009.

                                                                                                                                                                Excellent question. The short answer, and what officers are meant to think, is that the white glove increases visibility. Apparently you wouldn’t see their hands without them. In this picture you see an officer wearing white gloves, but before you even notice the white gloves you make note that there’s a very large man wearing a skirt. This was taken on my last trip to Samoa. Apparently the white gloves are a global standard for traffic control. What’s NOT part of the global standard is that handsome skirt he’s slipped into. In Samoa, that article of clothing is called a lavalava and much like a kilt it’s totally manly.

This picture shows an officer WITHOUT white gloves. Clearly, you shouldn’t be able to see her hands since she left the most vital part of her uniform at home. So apart from increasing visibility, the other purpose of traffic control gloves is to keep officers looking utterly ridiculous. It’s a textbook example of mind control. If they look silly, then they feel silly. If they feel silly, then you own them. Admittedly, the Samoans have taken mind control to the next level.

Good question. Georgia, in addition to being the name of a U. S. state, is also the name of a transcontinental country that’s currently under attack, thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away from Atlanta. The Russian President did agree to pull back his troops, but only under one condition: that he be allowed to invade into the night. Apparently he needs one more day to to flex his authority. So even if Russia accidentally points its missiles at Georgia the State instead of Georgia the Country, you have very little worries because it’ll all be over by tomorrow. May the count down begin.

Surprising to note: Georgia is not called Georgia when in Georgia. Georgia is actually called საქართველო or Sakartvelo. A name all too complicated for English phoenetics, so we say Georgia. When in საქართველო , do as the საქართველოans do.

საქართველო  On My Mind

Still want to know where Georgia is? 

Why, it’s north of Armenia. 

Still want to know where Armenia is?